So basically right after PDay, the companionship went from bad to extreme. Before there had been intense moments followed by Ok, everything is manageable if not perfect. But then it became every moment was used to bully me and put me down in the most intense passive-aggressive behavior I have ever seen. My anxiety shot through the roof, and I finally called one of Hna. S.´s old comp. secretly in the morning on Saturday. And she called my hermana leaders who were alo supportive and arranged to have an early exchange. I thought I could hold out until the interviews with Pres. this Friday, but during companionship study things were ridiculous. I called Pres. and told I just didn´t have a clue what to do, that we can´t get anything do, there is no presence of the Spirit. He said that he and Hna. Douglas would come visit the next day to talk us through and see what they could do.
When I told Hna. S. this, she basically threw a passive aggressive temper tantrum. We lasted all the rest of the day until we were going home for the night and the things she was saying to me were so incessant. And just as we were in our street in front of our neighbors she said something that made me lose control. And I yelled at her in the middle of the street. I called Pres. again, and was like Í just made a mistake and this is out of control¨ and so he and Hna. Douglad came and picked us up to stay in the mission home.
That night I was so confident I was saved, and she would go home for being so difficult and disrespectful with all her companions. We couldn´t teach, I was being broken. But the next morning Hna. Douglas came in to my room and talked to me. Mostly she just told stories. She said she had a hard companion in her mission. She knows what it feels like to wake up every morning and feel like Satan is in the room. To be criticized for everything, she couldn´t even walk with out being criticized. But this companion ended up developing MS and remaining a depressed, sad person. And Hna. Douglas wishes she had done better for her.
She talked about when they picked up one of their adoptive daughters from Europe who had been abused severely to the point of being paralysed from the waist down and being a selective mute. On the flights to the US, her daughter picked up a bacterial infection that caused intense diarhhea that was uncontrolable, and went ever where including Hna. Douglas. During all of the connecting flights. When they got home, the doctors couldn´t figure out what it was and this went on for weeks, even a month or two I think. And it was exhausting, and as soon as Hna. Douglas cleaned up her daughter, and the clothes, and bedding, and herself, it would happen all over again. One day she sat down and cried, and thought, ¨I can not do this anymore, I didn´t sign up for this. My daughter doesn´t even respond to me,¨ and she felt unable to continue.
And then she saw a book on Mother Teresa on the coffee table and tried to ignore the prompting to look at it. When she opened it, she came to a story about a photographer visiting the hospital where Mother Teresa was. A man was brought in with TB, various other diseases, and being eaten alive by maggots. Everyone fled, and Mother Teresa was brought in and began to work. The photog asked if she was going to use gloves, and she said something like, ¨I would never touch my Savior with gloves. I am ministering to my Savior now.¨
And Hna. Douglas knew that she had to keep going, and prayed for th strength to go in and clean up the mess again. And days later, the doctors figured out what was wrong. Their daughter came out of being a mute, she served a mission in temple square.
Hna. Douglas said to me, ¨Hna. Jennings, you are just about the most put together sister in this mission. If you can´t do this who will?¨ And I was bawling of course, and she said, ¨I think you are stronger than you think you are.¨ And I knew too, that the Lord needs me to try to help Hna. S. with her problems. We spent about 6 hours hashing through this with Pres. and Hna. Douglas, and it was ugly and exhausting, but we broke through to her a little I think, and she has agreed to meet with some counselors.
It is still hard. She is still very angry with me. She spends a lot of time ignoring me. Less time verbally abusing me though, that´s an improvement.
I´m not exactly sure how I´m going to help her, how I´m going to truly develop a Christ-like love for her. But I do feel better now. I´m not alone. I never was. I just needed to ask for help. I hope she realizes that´s all she has to do too.She has some major things to work out. It´s kind of a good thing I threw in the towel, because now the issues are being addressed rather than ignored.
Anyway, I love you all so much, I´m so thankful for you. Hearing about your scripture study made me really happy :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEX!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!! I wanted to tell you a story Hna. Douglas told me about some elders that were asked to help castrate some pigs, so maybe I´ll write about it in snail mail.
Till next week,